How do you work creatively with the idea of trust. Primarily, trust that God is not trying to fool you by placing wonderous things in your life... I have this black cloud that comes over me when I'm at odds with the rest of the world and the people around me. People may say they want this in their life, they want that in their life. They can point to specifics- the location that they live, a hobby that they want to tackle, take on for themselves, people they want to meet, challenges they want to undertake, degrees to be gotten. I have seen that some of these accomplishments, and the pursuit thereof, will allow for a certain degree of self-esteem within each person and allow them to have a sense of individuality as time goes on, true enough- I have been there before, but I don't know how really, only that it was some sort of Jungian miracle of arranging particualr ideas, beliefs, attitudes, and behaviors in such a way that I was able to overcome my self-will run riot long enough to smell the roses and take up my bed and walk again. Good riddance. But I'm still of the ilk that believes to myself, that more than anything I want that black cloud to disappear, so that every light-handed (or otherwise sleighting of my personality NOT be taken as a personal affront... that these things should NOT be cutting me to my entire being, because I am very capable of interpreting information processed by another person, who may NOT have all the facts regarding the case, and even so, may simply NOT be trying to undermine my ability to live as I would like to. This goes for No One. I simply want to learn a greater sense of resilience. So that hurt feelings become just that: feelings. Not a window to the larger reality, not a reflection of my place in the universe.
That is why I seek the removal of the black cloud, to regain my place in the lives of those around me as a person who can be trusted, loved, wanted, needed. A person who doesn't flounder around looking for people to acknowledge my feelings. Too much of my life wasted in that endeavor rather than spent in contributing to life.